سيأتي العيد وما زالت قلوبنا مفجوعه برحيلهم
فإجعل اللهم عيدهم في الفردوس الأعلى بقدرتك ورحمتك التي وسعت كل شي
وإرحم من كانوا معنا بالأعياد الماضية ولن يرجعوا ليكونوا معنا
اللهم إغفر لخالتي عائشه ولجميع موتى المسلمين وإشفع لهم وأسكنهم فسيح جناتك
اللهم آمين
وكل عام وأنتم بألف صحة وعافية
Finally I am able to pick my parts together and pull myself to be sitting here and writing again… Looking back I don’t believe how much of ups and downs I went through… this post is really much related to the previous one…
First, let me tell you… When I posted "Are you ready?" My mum's older sister was on bed straggling with her illness and by 1st April 2010 we tragedy lost her… I got the news over the phone can't forget the moment, it was 10am and I was with mum at the hospital as she was hospitalized and operated on the previous day. She was still under 48 hrs observation.
Could you get it, could you get the pressure… I had to hide the news from mum, handle the tragedy and yet act normal and make sure all do not tell her.. She was more than a sister to mum.. She was a mother to her… and she was as a second mother to me as well… She was just amazing … Allah yer7amha we yagamed ro7ha el gana inshallah..
I don’t remember crying… On the same afternoon, she was moved to her private room, doctors advised not to be told as her pressure was not yet stable… On the next day night her brother and sister came to tell her… we were four in the room and my heart start fasting… I could even hear the bits… I could not imagine how she could take the news…
Alhamdullah, she was strong and my uncle did his assignment in the best level anyone could do.
I am sorry.. I must stop by now, hope will come back soon to complete the downs I went through… Miss you my readers, hope you are still there and I am still remembered…
TO BE CONTINUED…
Ever since I hear that someone is in a serious health condition, I get myself into emotional and mental readiness of the possibility to lose that person…
Is that normal behavior, dose anyone go through that out there?… I find it so weird, I even imagine how life will be if I lose my family, friends anyone… it could be a person who is currently in a complete good health. Some times its comes from what others around me go through, for example; I was just visiting a girl who I work with and just lost her mum last week, after I left, kept thinking and imagine myself being in her shoe it felt like keeping myself ready if this might happen one day…
Mum could be sooo concerned from her relatives who go through illness, and I will come… telling myself if he/she die, then it's their time… we all are going to die one day…
Will you call my thoughts strange again? Sometimes I can't believe myself saying that… I am not sure if it's coming from the fact of being Muslim OR from being a cold sole… Or maybe just being rational…
I am really confused, I am not sure how disturbing emotionally I become when these thoughts cross my mind…
Anyhow, I know one thing… No one could ever be ready of death, not around not ourselves…
I have been spending the last four days asking myself the above question.
I decided long time back that I don’t want to be employed forever… therefore, I have no time and need to start like NOW…
Then the question popped, trying to know what the thing I enjoy the most…I wana enjoy and love whatever I will be doing…
I know I love everything to do with colors, I am a certified makeup artist… decoration is another thing I love to do… Hmmmm, so where do these things drive too?! … Still not sure!
Then by yesterday, I decided to ask my close friends and family? What will be my talented?... Unique, identify No identity?! …
The answer of 100% of them so far was:
"You are very good with organizing; you have done some family events and you were very detailed and could take an event from A to Z… You are very much into colors and have a good test of merging them…. "
Some added, "You could defiantly be events organizer"
Then it clicked, I love weddings… love every detail of them… It was a long time back dream to be a wedding planner…
Well,
Ladies and Gentlemen, I guess I found my talent, What's yours?
Oh, its been one month since last I update here… dust are everywhere…
January was so events full, to the level I could not have moment to write, I hardly was even reading any post…
Let me review the most events happened:
1. Beginning two weeks was extremely busy planning for Standy's Bridal Shower, the party was amazing and I had the below cake as a surprise, though sadly she got to see it when it was delivered… how the bride during the party keep opening the door… just can't GET IT … ;)
2. A trip to Khalowf, well the plan started with camping trip which shifted to a stay over in a small shade next to the beach, the weather was amaaazing and below is the view from the living room which is attached to the kitchen. A huge window through the whole sea side of the house…. The whole family had a blast but unfortunately mum could not make to the trip…
3. Then came the big day, Standy's weeding … she looked ammmazing and her entrance was the best… Standy so feminine… Can you imagine!!?
4. Mum had to leave to Thailand, as her sister still in treatment over there, they had to admit her to the hospital and mum got really worried… then she made the decision to spend some days with her, then 6ab3an I stay home almost alone… and sometimes it becomes sooo boring… and to avoid that, spent most of the time out, and got the chance to finish all my pending errands…
5. The last week of Jan, the environment at work sucks… everything became upside down, nothing organized and my boos was just *No expression* … just speechless, hoping this month things will get more in truck… I should put more afford to finalized my targets of this year.
At the end of today's post… Praying allah yeshfe 5alfti we yeraga3ha salma inshallah amen.
Today we start a new year and it's more like a new decade… It’s the time you hear…
What are your New Year resolutions?
What are your plans for the New Year?
What what's bla bla bla ….
This New Year, I demand no changes…
I want to be the same person I am proud of; I want nothing from the crowd around… I want to have the same friends, and will never wish to change the amazing family I have… I don’t want to change my weight, look, home, job or nothing… No changes are required including my marital status…
To all who stamp the knife on my back… walk away or attempted any harm to me, I no longer need your apology… the pain became part of me and what does not kill make a stronger person… I take this occasion to say thank you for all the pain you directly or indirectly, intentionally or not intentionally caused be you…
I will not open a new page, write in a new book, or forget all the painful memories… these memories, pages and stories are part of me; they are the rezones of who I am today…
As much as I don’t need apology, I no longer will wait thankfulness for any good I do, I'll keep throwing my favors to the sea… I will keep closing all my ears; as I don’t need to hear any criticism for the way I look, clothes I were, places I go or even the friends I have…
I am who I am… yesterday, today and tomorrow…
Happy New Year…
